The other night,  quite unexpectedly, I found myself sitting in a bar having a drink with some other moms from my kids’ school. Since the event we were at had ended early, someone suggested a drink and off we went, feeling as rebellious as mom on a school night can (The fact that this was a big deal tells you everything you need to know about the lot of us).

Anyway, we were all getting to know each other better, when all of a sudden, a woman I know only superficially said to me, ” My kids are 7 and 9 now, and I have to say, I’m thinking of having another baby. I watch you all the time with yours. What has it been like?”

I don’t know if I looked as blindsided as I felt. Why I felt that way, I’m not entirely sure, but I think it has something with seeing the light  again as Colin nears his 2nd birthday. Mentally, I just couldn’t go back to the black hole of infancy, at least not right then. I looked at this lovely woman in her stylish outfit and attractive hair and makeup and thought of what she had told me earlier about running her own business . . . and I mumbled something about pros and cons. 

“Of course, ” she smiled.” I know that. But I want to hear what you think.”

I could see the others had stopped talking and were listening for my answer. Oh, great, they think I’m going to say something interesting, I thought. I looked down at the cut i had on my finger from extracting my husband’s razor from Colin’s wily grip at 6 that morning and I heard myself saying. “Well, you utterly lose the freedom you had just gotten a taste of.”

I glanced up just in time to see her smiling face fall. Clearly she had been expecting superlatives. “I mean, I’m not very maternal, you should know that.”

“But you seem to be having such a good time with him whenever I see you,” another woman chimed in.

“Oh, I do, I have a lot of laughs. He keeps us all laughing.” And somehow, we switched to how funny toddlers are, etc, etc. and my words from earlier seemed to dissolve.

But later, in the car, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was betraying Colin by being honest about my feelings. Maybe I should have just lied . . ..

Okay, I wanted to wait for some of the Palin fervor to die down before I wrote this:

When I was growing up in the 60’s and early 70’s, our family was friends with another family of seven children. The kids were all fun, happy, healthy, successful and content. Both of their parents were very prestigous neurosurgeons, back in the days when neurosurgery took 8-12 hours just to get going. The mom went on to hold several crucial positions and was a candidate for surgeon general. And this woman made so many women furious because she actually could do it all. She made them look shabby in comparison, I guess. They wanted to critique her parenting or her work or any other number of things about her instead of just sitting back and admiring that she was something truly special. The point is, she didn’t doubt herself. She invented a new sort of way to be all the things she wanted to be; she reinvented mothering in a way that worked for her, and her husband invented a new way of fathering, and they both did exactly what they wanted to do with their lives. Except for one thing: being a pioneer like that is lonely, and pioneers have few friends.

I bring this up because no matter what you think of Sarah Palin’s politics or perspective, part of the reason she is being raked over the coals is because she, like this neurosurgeon, seems to have invented ways of being all the things she wants to be in addition to being a mother. As I said to my husband, it doesn’t matter that her husband has been the go-to parent for years– for some reason, we as a culture, still expect mom to drive the family bus. If Palin thinks she can do the job, I think that’s great. The rest is all details. 

I just hope she has a friend.

I love how little kids remind us to stay playful. Colin has a tendency to burst into a serious conversation or moment and growl, “I’m gonna get you!” then wait for us to chase him. Who can resist tag? Imagine saying “tag, you’re it!’ and running out of the room at work. Wouldn’t it be great?

I love how kids are always willing to see the absurd. Dex is a master of rearranging a boring story into such utter silliness. As a general rule, he says, replace boring inanimate objects with exotic ones, i.e., exchange hippos for dogs,  or add an explosive sound effect. Apparently, he used his helicopter mimicry to great effect in geography class the other day. Someday I’m going to be that confident.

I love how my daughter will come up with the wackiest hairstyles and outfits and then spend long minutes grinning at herself in the mirror. What’s not to admire, especially when who you are doesn’t have to be decided for many years to come.

I love how kids give me glimpses of freedom every day. Freedom to shout and holler and make strange noises, freedom to spin and run crazily through the grass, freedom to wear stripes and plaids and dinosaurs all at once. Freedom, really, to make anything fun, a choice, as an adult, I continually forget to make.