Archive for January, 2009

Double Daddy Dooty Duty

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009

When my workload is lighter than usual, “work-at-home dad” becomes just “at-home dad.” I become the house husband, a man with an apron (or at least a dish towel) who wanders from room to room picking up after the children.

Less work is no justification for taking a vacation. If anything, I pick up all the slack — I didn’t know there was any slack — and pull double daddy duty: cooking, laundry, cleaning, quality time with the kids, errands. My career, I’m afraid, might be little more than a retaining wall holding back an avalanche of family obligation. Knock away one billable project brick, and suddenly I’m heating leftovers, shoveling snow, and empting the potty. It’s all dooty duty, when I’d rather be working.

I see clearly that the choice facing all working parents — (a) find a job, (b) raise your children — is not a life choice. It’s a day choice. Guilt or gumption gets us out of bed, and we struggle between answering or ignoring the screaming alarm in our room, or the alarming scream from the other.

I don’t believe that our careers are an excuse to ignore our kids. Nor do I believe that playing with kids is a good way to procrastinate at work. The choice is both real and constant, and the parameters of choice can change when we’re not looking. Maybe there is no best choice. Maybe the best we can hope for is that today’s choice is a decent one. It’s all just a game of dress-up anyway, no matter what.

Suppose, just suppose, that instead of spending valuable time to take my kids to the science museum or the aquarium or the play space, I use my time looking for work that takes me even farther my away from them. Does this make me double the bad parent?

Posted in being a good dad, family responsibilities, jobs around the house, office work, running errands | No Comments »

Blownership issues

Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

When I purchased one-third of a snow blower this weekend, I found myself stumbling across yet another line, the division of “self” and “neighbor.” I’m already blurring the line between work and play, office and home, kids and grown-ups, fun and responsibility. Now my neighbors are sort of like business partners.

I was always against snow blowers in principle. They’re loud, they use gasoline, my kids are justifiably scared of them, and shoveling (when done properly) is both healthy and more precise. This particular model, with its monstrously orange snow-eating mouth and a weight of over 250 pounds,  looks and feels too much like farm machinery than a household convenience. But when your neighbor approaches you with an idea — hey, let’s go in on one together, shall we? — and then it snows like crazy, how do you say no?

Generations ago, neighbors were automatically colleagues if not friends. Like college roommates today, homeowners and their families shared more than just a street or street corner; they shared their lives and their gossip. But soon our fences weren’t designed to keep only our animals in; they kept us in, too. Had you spoken with me only five years ago, I knew almost none of my neighbors — and remember, I work at home, so not getting to know my neighbors would be like an office worker throwing a tarp over his cubicle.

I immediately perceived an advantage, anyway. Because I don’t commute to an office, I don’t have to shovel and defrost at five a.m. I can hurl the minivan into the street, drop off the kids, and return home to manage snow at my convenience. So while my neighbors might compete for “blownership” first thing in the morning, I can use the machine whenever I want. But then I realized that my neighbor — the guy who had the idea in the first place — is a working dad-at-home, too.

It was also his idea to keep the snow blower in his back yard. With a tarp over it.

Posted in jobs around the house, jobs in the neighborhood | 1 Comment »